23

Exercise Tips: Running

September 9th, 2010 - Uncategorized - 23 Comments »

For about a year now, I’ve been planning on writing an ebook about the long road to becoming a completely average runner. I realized a couple days ago that it’s probably not going to happen any time soon, so I thought I’d share a few tips that I’ve picked up on my journey. They’re not just great for running – they’re great for life.

If you start with a long sleeve shirt, end with a long sleeve shirt. Nothing is worse than taking off your long sleeve shirt mid-run, tying it around your waist, and continuing your run with a butt cape. Nothing. You’d look less foolish wearing a football helmet and an inner tube.

Gimmicks are your friend. I need gimmicks to run. First it was new Asics. Then, an iPod shuffle. Then some Vibram Five Fingers. Then the RunKeeper app on the iPhone. Then audiobooks. Then the new music you recommended. Now it’s Nike Plus. That should last me a couple months. No telling what will be next.

Don’t run in place while waiting to cross the road. Besides looking ridiculous, you’re wasting a precious gift. The stars have aligned to give you a couple much-needed seconds to suck wind and talk yourself out of continuing. Take full advantage of this.

Don’t listen to audiobooks; do listen to music. Listening to music while running has catapulted my pace from “quite embarrassing” to “mildly embarrassing”. With audiobooks, I spend the entire time looking for sticks I can use to stab myself. With music, I spend my time pretending I’m part of a training montage in a Mark Wahlberg movie. It’s a no-brainer.

Treadmill running should only be done at 5:30pm ET so you can watch Pardon the Interruption. You may have your own thoughts on this, but after logging many miles on our base-model ProForm downstairs, PTI is the only way I’ve found to tolerate it.

Wait until the coast is clear to stop your jog. If there’s one thing in life that I don’t want, it’s for the people in that random ’98 Acura Integra driving by to think I’m a quitter. Make sure there’s no one around when clocking out for the day. You want to be able to look yourself in the mirror, don’t you?

Run with someone slower than you. If you’re anything like me, this might be a difficult task. You know when a fast walk turns into a quasi-jog? Yeah, that’s my pace. But you’re better off running alone than running with someone the slightest bit faster than you. Your entire run will be about trying to keep up with his pace, while he’s six steps ahead of you, running backwards, telling you that you can do it in the most patronizing way possible.

Got any running tips to add?
___

30 Bloggers, 30 Days, $30,000 update…

To learn more about the project, click here. To give, click here.

  • http://jamiewrightcr.blogspot.com/ VeryWorstMissionary

    Running makes me pee.

    That's not really a tip as much as it is a statement. But yeah. That's all I got.

  • Martha

    Don't drink really strong coffee before a 10 mile run…or else you might need to use a Catholic church's bathroom…and then 1 mile later the convenience store bathroom. Not that I have experienced this…just what i've heard.

  • http://robshep.com Rob

    That is a great post. I love your blog.

  • http://kelybreez.com kelybreez

    You totally forgot picking up your pace when going by any spot with people you might know, like the school pick-up line, or the grocery store.

    This is the same line of thinking which would make you want to avoid populated greenways or parks where lots of people run… It makes you run too fast the whole time to avoid looking like a poser… And eventually it's no fun to have to try that hard for that long.

    Last one for the moment… I avoid ponds where there are geese. They poo everywhere. And they chase you and bite your little, high, tight shorts.

  • Adam Hezlep

    HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY TYLER!!!!

    You are so old.

  • dustinuga

    Stretching is for pansies.

    • dustinuga

      Or at least, don't stretch in a public place and pretend like you're know what you're doing. :)

  • adamKeyes

    If you're a guy, and you're about 30, and single, and you run along a busy road, with no shirt, with gel in your hair, with black shoes to match your black shorts, with at least one bluetooth device clipped to your ear/s, while flexing non-stop, while also….
    you need to take Tyler's 'Male Insecurity Test'. (you'll probably fail)

  • http://boynamedtracy.com aboynamedtracy

    I used to run with a guy at work that was a close-runner. Every upswing of my arm would bump his. It was very awkward. I would try to subtlety veer away from him only to have him veer too. I kept quoting Patric Swayze from Dirty Dancing, "This is my dance space. This is your dance space." but he didn't take the hint. Finally I had to run break up with him.

    So I guess the tip is more etiquette: there should be at least an outstretched arm distance between you and your running partner.

  • http://guidetowomen.wordpress.com/ Sharideth Smith

    get someone to randomly try and mug you so you have to run. a cato to your inspector clouseau.

  • nate

    sure, you can still wear medium t-shirts, you have more energy than i do and your waistline hasn't expanded to 33 yet- but i manage to sneak in much more sleeping and reading than you.

    i'm the real winner. sucker.

  • http://ilovemrpibb.blogspot.com Greta

    So, according to your last tip, no running with Amy, huh?

  • http://www.tylertarver.com Tyler Tarver

    Run on the side of the road going against the traffic, that way you have a shot of survival cause you can bail into a ditch. Otherwise, you'll never see it coming and you'll die all sweaty and gross. I bet that's why salmon swim upstream, to see their attackers coming. Wow, we've all learned a lot today.

    When I run it makes me have to do the 2. Once, I got too far from my house to turn back so I had to run (shuffle feet quickly) 1/2 mile to a gas station. Details need not be shared, but let's just say I had to do some cleanup on the floor and myself, then run home with it. Not the best experience, but better than Gilmore Girls.

    • http://guidetowomen.wordpress.com/ Sharideth Smith

      we have the same blog graphics. i'm not sure if that means i have to hate you or that we're soul mates.

      • http://www.tylertarver.com Tyler Tarver

        both

  • Ryan

    Running often makes me regret life. I'm of no help…

    But is it ok to request a don't be that guy video based on this post? A lot of good can come from something like that.

    And happy birthday from someone who's never met you, but knows odd things about you due this blog and twitter.

  • Tato

    stay consistent. I run about 25+miles a week… I am going to hit 1000 for the year pretty soon. Nothing is better than hitting the road in the morning before it is light and having no one out there. Kind of freaky, but also peaceful at the same time. A lot of people drop off in the winter time when it is dark and cold, bu tit only makes it harder to start up in the spring again.

  • http://www.kevinkeigley.com Kevin Keigley

    1. When running past a group of kids, close your gasping-for-air mouth so that as you pass by, they will want to be just like you one day.
    2. Be aware of when you have to transition from the sidewalk to the road. Sometimes, when you have been running at a good pace for awhile, the sudden jolt of stepping down can make you snort.
    3. Acquaint yourself with the dialect of running language. Running language is short and breath-y. When you pass a runner, he/she may say, "Suh-mahn." That means, "What is up man?". There is also, "Skhoin-ohn." That is running language for, "What is going on?".
    4. Breaking wind is expected. If you are a runner, chances are you are watching what you eat (on most days). Those foods break down in your gut and leave behind some volatile gases. Let 'em go.
    5. Never make fun of a runner whilst driving by them. He may look sucky to you, but I am sure you look pretty sucky to someone else when you are huffing along the road hating life. Always give them the right of way and a thumbs up.
    6. This was a long comment and probably a post I just burned that I could have used on my own blog instead of Tyler's. Consider it a birthday present.

  • http://mleetaft.tumblr.com M. Lee Taft

    You actually ran in the Five Fingers? I love mine, but I don't think my arches could handle that pounding…

  • http://www.youredoingitright.com dustyken

    As far as the "long sleeved T-shirt" comment, when you take off your shirt, grab both sleeves and roll up the shirt like you would a towel when you're gonna pop someone with it. Then just tie it around your waist. No butt cape. Just looks like a belt.

    Always….ALWAYS…Drop a deuce PRE-run. Nothing worse than getting in the middle of a run and trying to figure out where you can go number 2.

  • http://www.pofgblog.com joerob577

    My wife and I are training for our first ever 5k in a few weeks. Right now our gimmick is this post. We like to peruse it before we run. It lightens the mood, and helps us remember that there are other people out there who are as bad at it as we are.

    Well, at least there are people out there who pretend to be as bad as we are in a self-deprecating, humorous way…

  • Pingback: #tt (Thiefin’ Thursday) – Exercise Tips: Running « The Pursuit of God

  • http://www.datingingermany.com DatingInGermany

    Dating tips are as a result handy, thanks for sharing.