Today’s guest post is by the guy in the storm trooper suit. I think you’ll enjoy it.

In the words of Chris Harrison: Tyler, whenever you’re ready…
___

A few weeks ago, T-Stant-Sign-My-Shoe posted a video by gum or Altoids or something about different types of Facebook users. It was really nice, but I thought it could be better if it was written so people without eyes could see it. Also, I kinda forgot all but 2 of them so I’ll just make it up as I go.

Dealing with Different Types of Facebook Users

The Food Guy: What are you eating? No, actually I didn’t ask. Oh, you have a picture, excellent. You’re excited? Me too, allow me to dine with you vicariously via photo. It’s like a date but I don’t have to audibly hear the intricacies of why Droid is actually superior to the iBestPhoneEver.

Solution: Post before and after photos of your food on his page to let him know what your digestive system has been up to. One day of eggs,Tabasco sauce, corn, and macadamia nut sandwiches and he’ll stop. Oh how he’ll stop.

The Master Debater: This person loves to argue the crap out of everything. Regardless of the Party, he’s got some beef. Republican? You love money. Democrat? You hate Jesus. Whig? You’re too old-fashioned. Federalist? You’re too political. Birthday? You’re too old.

Solution: I think the Facebook does a “Suggest Friends” thing now. Try suggesting he hang out with Palin, Barack, Trump, and all the boys down at (insert opposing political viewpoint candidates here).

The INTM (It’s Not Text Messaging): The 3 worst things on the planet: 1) Being set on fire by vengeful ants playing Chris Daughtry, 2) Hayden Christensen, 3) Commenting on a Status then having 2 INTM’s update 22 years worth of ignoring each other right underneath you, therefore making your phone vibrate like it’s about to transform into Optimus Prime because of your status alerts.

Solution: Interject until they tap-out like a shirt fat guys wear.

INTM 1: OMG girlie what have you been up to?
INTM 2: NM babe, just been down at the gym.
Me: Me too. Your quads were very accentuated.
INTM 2: Um..ok. No for realizes INTM 1 we need to hang out.
Me: I like to hang out side on my neighbor’s tree like a piniata and let his kids hit me with bats until I throw up Mexican food from lunch. Did I spell that right? Does it have an accent? Should it be neighbór? You tan, so you probably know.
INTM 1: Hey hun, why don’t you just give me a call some time and we’ll catch up.
Me: No wait, I think it’s néíghbjór, with a J, like in Justice.

I actually had a few more types of Facebook Godzillas, but since this thing is lasting longer that my first four relationships, I’ll introduce you to Cliff and his Notes.

Anyone Annoying on Facebook: Oh, how they get on my nerves.

Solution: Twitter.

Any more lovely/obnoxious Facebook users I left out?

To dive deeper into the ludicrous (yet hilarious) world of Tyler Tarver, go –> here <–.

Oh, and Jared Clifton, send me your email. You won the book from last Thursday.